By BRODIE H. BROCKIE
A DRY RUN ON THE RIVER
Our trainers, Randy and Jordan, met us on the docks at the exit of the Jungle Cruise attraction and then led us backstage to some of the parked boats not currently being used. Then we went back to the docks and Randy and Jordan led us back again so that the camera crews could record it.
Next, we went back to the main docks and boarded The Amazon Belle, one of the many Jungle Cruise boats, and headed out into the attraction. First, Jordan simply guided us through, performing for us exactly as he would for regular park guests. My hopes for departing from the scripts that were sent us rose as Jordan told many jokes we had not been sent. In fact, one of the jokes he told was even one I had planned to do myself and thought I had come up with on my own!
Randy took the helm next and guided us through the ride again, interrupting his spiel frequently to point out secrets of the attraction. There are several sensors throughout the ride that trigger when the boats are coming and start the animated animals of the next scene. They're so cleverly and thoroughly hidden that I could've ridden the attraction 50 times without noticing them if Randy hadn't pointed them out to us.
Having seen both of our trainers perform, it was time for the honorary skippers to take a shot at it. Jordan asked for volunteers. We all looked at each other for a moment, no one wanting to be first. Finally, Grant volunteered. We found out they would also be filming each of us on our first rehearsal through. Grant went ahead and, despite our instructions to stay on script, did the spiel he had been preparing, adding several of his own lines and doing variations on the script when he wanted to.
Amanda went next and stuck closer to the script, though added some of her own changes as well. Seeing that neither had been interrupted nor admonished, I followed suit and did the spiel the way I wanted to.
Taking a cue from the introduction our driver would give, explaining I was an honorary skipper from Michigan, I added this joke as we passed an artificial tiger:
"Look out, folks! Over to your left is an enormous Bengal tiger. Now I'm from Michigan where we don't have Bengal tigers, but we do have Detroit Tigers so I think I know how to deal with it... just keep a close eye on him and make sure he doesn't try to steal second."
This got a decent laugh, and it bolstered my confidence to continue. I still mostly stuck to the script, but added little bits along the way. A few times I switched to some of the other jokes I knew existed on the full script we weren't given.
One of the tougher parts of the job, was timing the jokes so that you told them right at the best moment so the audience was seeing the visuals to coordinate with the lines you were saying. Jordan explained that this was easier to do when you were driving the boats yourself too, but there wouldn't be time to teach us that. Another unexpected difficulty was remembering left and right. Now, I've had the difference between those two down pretty well since early childhood, but this was the first time I'd had to stand at the front of a boat, facing backwards, and tell people to look at something on their right when it was to my left. It's embarrassingly tricky.
When I was finished, Jordan smiled and told me I'd done a great job. Phew! This was going to work after all.
Jason and Will both took their turns as skipper and also made multiple script departures. When we each had taken a turn, we got off the boat for a break. Randy showed us the "little skippers' room" and the area's break room. We asked several questions about what it was like to work at the park, and Randy told us amusing stories about things he had seen guests do and some of the more colorful characters he'd encountered over the years.
And then, as genially as he'd told us everything else, Randy told us that we would have to stay on script. No making up our own jokes. We had all wondered, though, what would happen if we didn't? We finally had our answer - if we went off script, Randy or Jordan (whichever was working with us as our driver) would immediately take over and we'd been done with our tenure as honorary skippers. Also, Randy would smack us with his hat like we were Gilligan.
This was disappointing, but understandable too. After all, we weren't really Disney employees but we would be entertaining real park guests on the company's behalf. And as much as I'd prefer doing my own material, I was having a wonderful time on my trip and didn't want to repay everything that was being done for me by doing things they had instructed me not to do.
But still, that script!
Randy said he had no problem with us doing jokes aside from the ones we'd been sent, as long as they were official Jungle Cruise script jokes. We each took another trip through telling the jokes we wanted to and Randy would gives us a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on them. It didn't matter how clean the jokes were nor how funny. The only criterion that counted was if they were really in the script or not.
Through this, we each came up with a spiel we liked better, and I felt like this was a pretty fair compromise. We each took one final rehearsal run to work on our timing and fine-tune the jokes.
Rehearsal over, we headed back to costuming, turned in our skipper garb, changed back into our street clothes, and returned to the hotel.
Randy went over a few safety pointers and explained to us how the boats work: two poles with tires on them protrude from the bottoms of the boat into a trench. That way, the boats are still guided through the attraction without feeling like they're rigid on a track. The skipper controls the speed of the boat, but the steering wheel is entirely for show.
Brodie with trainers Randy (top) and Jordan
Once back in the boat, we talked about our frustration with the specific jokes we'd been given. Jason and I had both done online research before the trip and knew several other official jokes that we hadn't been sent. For each scene on the ride, the complete script includes several different jokes and each real skipper gets to pick which ones they'll tell. Will and Grant both knew a lot of the other official jokes from having ridden the Jungle Cruise frequently. Amanda too, knew some of the other material.
Rehearsing: a boatload of skippers.
